I held my son on my right hip and pointed at his video monitor on the counter. “See? that’s where you sleep. I’m always watching you. I hear everything. It’s going to be okay. I don’t ever really leave you!” He stared at the screen and I kissed his cool, chubby cheek (they’re a delicacy).
He just starting to dwindle down to 2-3 naps a day from the standard 4-5. At nearly six months of age, this is a welcomed change for all of us. (If you don’t currently have children the concept of naps and their true importance will likely elude you). We’re simultaneously working on some sleep training. Plus, he’s just beginning to teethe.
Lots of changes. They don’t seem like a big deal for us, but they sure are for him. Yet we know it’s for his best, so we’re pushing through and staying the course.
Often, one of us will put him down his crib and he’ll start screaming as soon as we walk towards the door. He hates to be alone, as most infants do. I desperately wish that I could help him understand that I’m not really leaving him. That this time alone, this time of change, is for his good. That this time will result in his rest and growth. That he needn’t be frustrated or angry.
I sat on the edge of our bed this morning and cried. I cried for a lot of reasons – the rich blessings in this season, the difficulties in this season, the whole “not sleeping through the night for six months” thing, feeling somewhat numb spiritually – the list goes on. I needed to get it out. It felt good.
Lots of changes these past couple of years: Connecticut to Wisconsin. Wisconsin to Connecticut. Leaving old friends, making new friends, leaving new friends, returning to old friends. Having our first baby and moving with said baby at three weeks old. Three different apartments. Weddings, funerals, and so on. These adjustments are a big deal for us. I’m glad they’re not a big deal for Him. I’m glad God forges ahead and carries us through when we don’t have the strength to do so ourselves.
Sometimes we put up a fight. Sometimes we’re stubborn. Sometimes we cry. I’m so grateful that I can hang on to Truth even when my emotions don’t agree. We know in our hearts that this time of change and constant transition is for good, that it will result in renewal and growth. We don’t need to be frustrated or angry.
As I sat on the edge of my bed, with tears in my eyes, I felt His peace wrap around me. As if to say, “See? that’s where you sleep. I’m always watching you. I hear everything. It’s going to be okay. I don’t ever really leave you.”